Grief and Accidental Advocacy
Turning Our Pain Into Our Purpose
Grief is a topic that touches us all, and we shouldn’t be afraid to talk about it.
If you have been following me for a while, or new to my work, I like to call myself an accidental advocate. I would never have chosen to do drug safety advocacy, but sometimes our greatest purposes choose us.
Recently, I was interviewed by Chris Bobel, a distinguished professor in women’s, gender, and sexuality studies at the University of Massachusetts Boston. While her expertise lies in social movements, she has also experienced personal tragedy, having lost her daughter to a distracted driver. Currently, she is writing a book on how trauma shapes activism.
During our conversation, Chris was particularly intrigued by my concept of “accidental advocacy” and acknowledges my contribution in her article titled, “Witness the pain: When Loved Ones Are Traumatically Lost, Bereaved Families Become Accidental Activists By Turning Grief Into Grievance.” Her book on this same subject is expected to be released in 2025.
In many ways, my journey of accidental advocacy mirrors what David Kessler, a collaborator with grief expert Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, considers the “sixth stage of grief.” I vividly recall a moment shortly after my husband’s passing, when I found myself in the basement, overwhelmed with deep grief, pleading, more like begging, with God to take my pain and use it somehow. Little did I know then, the profound impact that prayer would have on my life.
My advocacy helped transform my pain and trauma into a purposeful and powerful mission. It provided a constructive outlet for my grief, ensuring that my husband’s life and death were not in vain. Through my accidental advocacy, I wanted to make sure others had the knowledge that we didn’t. No one should ever be blindsided and learn after the fact.
Throughout my journey, I've encountered countless individuals who, like me, were driven by the desire to ensure others have the information they didn’t. I remember thinking, if only the families in 1991 would have been able to get the FDA blackbox suicide warning added to Prozac, Woody would still be here today. I couldn't shake the inner voice telling me it was my duty, in honor of Woody, to take action to prevent similar tragedies in the future.
Just like my friend and fellow USA Patient Safety Network board member Dru West often says, “I am trying to do for others what I wish someone had done for my daughter.” She lost her daughter to a pulmonary embolism linked to Nuvaring birth control.
“What About Grief?” is a newer podcast started by Golf Channel’s Larry Holm. Larry entered the world of grief when his wife Sarah passed away from cancer in 2021. As he navigated his own grief, Larry became an “accidental advocate” never imagining he would start a podcast. Today, the podcast helps those traveling the unmapped highway of grief that can often be lonely, confusing and frustrating.
It was truly a privilege to be a guest on his show. The conversation was raw and real as we courageously discussed some difficult memories and ways to finding purpose amidst grief, including my own “accidental advocacy” spanning two decades. I have come to learn that in helping others in our times of grief, we inevitably find healing for ourselves.
Grief doesn’t just mean death. It can also be loss of health, job, divorce or friends. Even the pandemic and loss of freedoms was a form of grief. We may not always have a choice, but it is our choice how we handle or what we do to move forward. Grief and loss will always be a part of our lives and it’s learning to dance with it.
“The pain passes, but the beauty remains.” - Renoir
Grief is an ever-evolving journey that transforms over time. It’s in the depths of darkness that healing and growth take root, much like the metamorphosis of a butterfly.
Just as butterflies don’t emerge into the world instantaneously, but rather undergo a profound process within the cocoon, so too do we undergo our own inner transformation. And when the time is right, we burst forth into the world, embodying beauty and grace.
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So many of us try to cover up our grief--through numbing ourselves with drink. drugs, television, work. Grief has a way of paralyzing the soul. Few make it from grief to grievance, few find a purpose from their grief, but I do think that you and others who have found a way to 'grieve' their grief are the saved ones. If we all would express our grief and use it to fuel change, oh what a beautiful world we might live in! Peace...
This is such an important conversation. We are all living with post covid trauma. Thank you for your beauty and grace in the delivery of this important message.